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Out of Sorts

Journal Entry: Mon Jan 24, 2011, 7:22 AM
I haven't updated in a while and I haven't been very active either.

I lost my dad a week ago after fighting against complications with diabetes and pneumonia for 4 days in the hospital. The memorial was last Friday and things seems to be calming down a bit from the intense week that last week was. For anyone that really knows me, I am a total daddy's girl and I talked to my dad all the time.

It's not even been 5 years since I lost one of my closest friends to suicide and I still get mad at her sometimes, wanting to talk to her or share something with her. I can't even imagine how long it will be before I stop wanting to pick up the phone and call my dad. Or how long it will take before every happy memory doesn't turn into something sad. My dad was one of my people - I'm not sure how else to describe it, but losing him in my life is like losing a piece of myself.

I'm trying to find distractions. Thankfully there's work waiting for me, and 3 classes this semester, and I'm sure both are blessings in disguise. I also have some art projects waiting for me, and at some point I might lock myself in a room with some paint and canvas or just go for a long drive with my camera and some good music.

  • Listening to: Missy Higgins - All For Believing
  • Reading: The Man Who Was Almost a Man - Richard Wright

Fall Update

Journal Entry: Fri Nov 12, 2010, 10:01 AM
I've been a bad Sam, lol. I don't keep up with dA as much as I used to, and I'm at least a month behind on uploading my photos. Facebook and my website + mass uploading have made me fairly lazy. I'll upload a few shots today, and then I will try to pick through the photos I took at a local farm a few weeks ago. I had almost 70 images from the shoot and don't want to flood anyone's message center.

I've been doing craft/art shows since May with mixed results. Pushing through the holidays and then I'll be reevaluating things. Still juggling work and school in the mix as well, and I think I'm doing alright in my classes, and work is busy as usual (with nice lunch breaks so I can update here ;))

So how are you all doing?

  • Listening to: Figherflight - Go Ahead
  • Reading: Hallowe'en Party - Agatha Christie
  • Watching: The leaves change color
  • Drinking: Water

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Journal Entry: Tue Jul 27, 2010, 2:41 PM
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Wow, I really don't update this very often anymore, do I?

Things have been going pretty well. I'm getting ready for the County Fair in a few weeks, a week or so after that I start classes. Taking two this semester, in addition to working. So August will be a fun, albeit jammed packed month. :)

I shot a wedding with Katastrophe the weekend before last. You can see my photos here: www.facebook.com/album.php?aid… if you're interested.

I hadn't shot a wedding since the first one I did when I was 16, lol, so this was an interesting and fun experience.

How has everyone else been?

  • Listening to: Holly Brook - Cellar Door
  • Reading: Motherless Brooklyn
  • Watching: Futurama
  • Eating: A fresh peach
  • Drinking: Water

A little bit off

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 23, 2010, 8:53 AM
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Been fighting that feeling that something is a little bit off. I haven't taken many pictures in the last few weeks and really need to get on that. Silly weather forecast says rain all weekend.

Still getting over a nasty ear infection that I had last week that had me out of commission for a few days. It's mostly healed, and I just have to go back in a week or so to make sure the infection has completely healed (and stayed away from my eardrum).

I also created a facebook page for my photography if anyone is interested: www.facebook.com/pages/BR-Phot…

My birthday is next week as well. I'll be 24. [I'm so old, I know.]

I signed the contract yesterday to have a booth at the local flea market in Belleville, IL in May. My stomach is still doing flips over it, and I'm not sure how well received a photographer will be at a flea market...but I figure it's worth a shot, so I am going for it. :)

So what's going on with everyone else?

  • Listening to: Brandi Carlile - Until I Die
  • Reading: Forum threads
  • Watching: Red Dwarf
  • Playing: Chess
  • Drinking: Water

Books, music, and a road trip.

Journal Entry: Tue Mar 9, 2010, 2:41 PM
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Feeling a bit stagnant photo-wise. Still going through older photos, and spent some time at the botanical garden in Missouri this past weekend. I might post more from that trip later.

Hoping my trip to Tulsa this weekend will shake things up a bit.

Next up to knock off on my reading list:

    :bulletblue:Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman :bulletblue:Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea by Chelsea Handler :bulletblue:Sandman (graphic novel series) by Neil Gaiman :bulletblue:The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams :bulletblue:Bite Me by Christopher Moore


I'm in a punk and upbeat music mood lately... Think Ramones, The Clash, thrown in with some AFI, The Offspring, and hell, even the Pipettes. I would love some suggestions as to other artists and songs to go along with this as I plan to make a mix for the drive down to Tulsa. :)

  • Listening to: AFI - Girl's Not Grey
  • Reading: Good Omens
  • Watching: Rain
  • Drinking: Water

February

Journal Entry: Wed Feb 10, 2010, 1:17 PM
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My trip to NYC in March now looks like it's a trip to Tulsa instead. Will be visiting a friend and hopefully getting some pictures taken while I'm at it.

A friend is trying to put together a web show: Zombie Conversational. Yes, Zombies!! So check it out, and if you feel so inclined, I'm sure they would love donations. :)

Not much else is going on. I've been working on my website and hopefully by the end of the month it will be fully functional, including the ability to buy prints. :D I just need to get the blog and the rest of the site to blend together nicely.

How is everyone else doing?

  • Watching: Zombie Conversational

January

Journal Entry: Mon Jan 11, 2010, 8:51 AM
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A new year already?

School's over (for now). I am getting out and shooting more. I've set myself some general goals for the year, mostly artistic and health related. I've joined a couple groups, namely Sierra Club as the newest member of the Kaskaskia Group's ExCom(Executive Committee). Yes, that means I vote on and help plan things...At least, that is the plan. :bucktooth:

I am entertaining the idea of doing some craft fairs this year and selling matted prints. I already ordered myself some pretty business cards, and some prints/mats/backing/sleeves...But suggestions on what prints you think would sell better than others would still be appreciated as I may be ordering more. I mostly went for the nature/butterfly photos and a few urban and rural, even though I don't foresee those selling very well. But hey, who knows. I'd love to be proven wrong. :p

How is everyone else doing? I hope the weather isn't treating you too badly. Low of -3 or something here today. :bleh:

  • Listening to: VHS or Beta - Night On Fire
  • Watching: Chuck
  • Drinking: Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte (yum)

Bittersweet

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 7, 2009, 3:24 PM
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:snowing:


Winter is here, as proven by the tiny bit of snow that fell last night. I have a little over a week of school left, and 3 tests in that span of time. Once it's over, the rejoicing will begin.

I found an older image last night while digging around on my hard drive. Apparently it hadn't made the cut a few years ago, but now I like it. I think this is a hint I should start going through my archived digital raw files, and perhaps start scanning my old negatives again (a project that never quite seems to get done).

:stereo: Also, winter has put me in a classical music mood. Is that strange?

I haven't updated in a little over three months. ^^; Life has been pretty busy and I've run into a few tight spots over the past few months, but all things considered I'm doing pretty well. :)

I hope everyone else is doing well. Happy Holidays and all that.

:heart:

  • Listening to: Bach, Vivaldi, and Beethoven
  • Reading: Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
  • Watching: Legend of the Seeker
  • Playing: Carcassonne
  • Drinking: Water

The End of Summer

Journal Entry: Mon Aug 24, 2009, 12:51 PM
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Before I know it, it'll be the end of the year.

So, I haven't updated in about a month. I can't say I really feel all that different since that update, but some stuff has happened since...

I took several days off work to visit my friend Brenna (bereavedheart) in Washington and I had a blast with her. I could definitely see myself living there. It was gorgeous and I didn't think about or worry about work or home the whole trip. Honestly, I didn't want to come back home. I'm told this means I had a real vacation. :bucktooth:

I start classes at the university tomorrow. Weekend after next I'm flying out to D.C. to visit another friend for Labor Day weekend. After that, traveling should slow down for a while as I'll be too busy (and too broke) to go anywhere. Though I'm still hoping for another trip out to D.C. and possibly NYC over New Years. :shrug: I'm ambitious.

Art-wise, I am going to attempt to start keeping a sketch journal. Something to write and sketch my ideas out in. I'm hoping this will help me keep track of all the ideas running around in my head, and maybe help me to actually finish projects...:XD:

I've been reading more lately as well...hoping that's a trend I can keep up. Has anyone on here heard of goodreads.com, or better yet, does anyone actually have an account there?

  • Listening to: Jet - Look What You've Done
  • Reading: Walker Percy - Love in the Ruins
  • Watching: Californication
  • Drinking: Water

Blue

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 24, 2009, 3:04 PM
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Been missing certain things, certain people lately. Feeling a bit overwhelmed, a tad lonely, and somewhat inspired... :shrug: Perhaps I can turn this mood into something productive.

This message has been brought to you by the color blue...

Dusk's Descent by murtoz
:thumb123563703:
Blue Bubble Frenzy by sxy447
Raindrops by Z740
Sky Walk by QwikDrah
:thumb125539390:
Etude l'Arabesque by snowmask

  • Listening to: Colbie Caillat - Tied Down
  • Reading: Hurricane Punch - Tim Dorsey
  • Watching: Star Trek
  • Playing: Someone is playing mind games, but it's not me
  • Drinking: Water

Blah

Journal Entry: Thu Jul 16, 2009, 7:52 AM
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I'm having a very blah morning. I can't remember my dreams from last night, but I'm guessing they weren't good as I woke up with an overall feeling of angst and upset...

I'm supposed to be visiting a friend in Washington state in August, which should be a nice break. Yet every time I think too hard about money or my bills, I just want to say "Fuck you, world." I have yet to overdraft my account and all my bills are getting paid and food is on the table, so I guess I really shouldn't complain. Still, I'd like to meet my goal of having the credit card paid off and a decent chunk of change in savings by Christmas. I've considered getting a second job a number of times, but at this point, I guess having more money isn't worth the extra stress it would put on me.

I'm still going through and editing my photos from Tennessee. The ones I've edited so far are posted, more will probably follow this weekend. And hey, who knows, maybe I'll get out and be productive this weekend and get some more photos taken. :)

Oh yeah, and while I was in Tennessee, I painted this:
It's a 12inx12in acrylic on canvas. It's the first painting I've done in a few years. Perhaps I will do more.

I hope everyone else is doing well. My angst will ware off once I fully wake up and start plowing through my to-do list...Yay for productivity.

  • Listening to: stellastarr* - Stay Entertained
  • Reading: Hurricane Punch - Tim Dorsey
  • Watching: Mushishi
  • Drinking: Coffee

TN

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 30, 2009, 6:13 AM
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Finally sleeping normally again, I hope. :P

Going to TN this weekend to visit my grandma.

Not much else going on. Hope everyone else is doing well. :)

  • Listening to: Coldplay - What If
  • Reading: The Great Gatsby
  • Drinking: Water

Insomnia

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 25, 2009, 6:23 AM
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So, I'm running on about 3 hours of sleep this morning. Why? For the first time since high school, insomnia has decided to rear it's ugly head. I'm surprisingly awake and productive(ish) so far today, though.

A few weeks ago, I talked about wanting to do some sketches for a few painting ideas I had. The sketches were pretty awful, but I think perhaps more are on the way. I'm feeling artistic for some reason. :)

Along those lines, I'm hoping to fit some photo stuff in this weekend. Perhaps another trip to somewhere in MO? I wouldn't mind heading down to Carbondale (IL) again at some point, either. Anyone up for a photo trip? :P

Everything else is going pretty well. My cat who went missing last week showed up the next day covered in dirt. He's a lot nicer now. :lol: For some reason I volunteered to babysit this weekend, but I haven't hung out with my niece and nephew in a while, so it shouldn't be too bad. Plus I actually have a plans afterward. This might turn out to be a good week after all. I think karma owes me some good weeks at this point.

I hope everyone else is doing well. :)

  • Listening to: Coldplay - What If
  • Reading: The Great Gatsby
  • Drinking: Water

Missing - Update

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 19, 2009, 10:19 PM
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My cat, Tyson, because he is a rightful bastard, somehow opened the door and got out of the house today while I was at work. I can't seem to find him anywhere. And now it's pouring rain. :hmm:

If you're into that sort of thing, send some good thoughts my way?

Update: He was waiting by the door when I got home today, meowing and covered in dirt/leaves. Go figure. :P

  • Listening to: Rain
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Drinking: Water

Imagine That

Journal Entry: Mon Jun 15, 2009, 6:35 PM
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Been in a surprisingly good mood lately, considering. I'm in a "mood" but I think it's a fairly productive one. Back roads, good music, and no destination in mind. Mm, to feel free for just a little while.

  • Listening to: Ani Difranco - Imagine That
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Watching: 30 Rock
  • Drinking: Water

4 Stages

Journal Entry: Fri Jun 5, 2009, 6:38 AM
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So I've been told that I finally hit the third stage of grief.

Denial? Been there. Anger? See ya later. Depression? Here I am. Acceptance? Here I come...?

I actually had a dream last night that inspired me to want to do a series of paintings. Then I remembered, oh yeah, I'm not so great at painting. I think I might try anyway. At least start with some sketches. :shrug:

I got some advice yesterday, to have no expectations, to stop assuming, to (heaven forbid) let go. I'm giving up control. I'm trying to no longer expect anything. The possibilities are endless. And hey, who knows, maybe I'm not who I thought I was. If I could let go of the expectations and limitations I place on myself, maybe I am someone else, just waiting to emerge from the mud and muck.

  • Listening to: Holly Brook - Saturdays
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Watching: Heroes
  • Eating: That's probably a good idea...
  • Drinking: Water

More Spring Cleaning

Journal Entry: Fri May 22, 2009, 7:02 PM
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So I decided to clean up my gallery a bit more. :) About 100+ photos went into scraps. :lol:

Such is life. If all goes well this weekend, perhaps I will have more photos to post.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

  • Listening to: Ani Difranco - Talk To Me Now
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Watching: Apocalypse How
  • Eating: pasta with mushrooms and cream sauce
  • Drinking: Water

Spring Cleaning

Journal Entry: Tue May 5, 2009, 7:10 AM
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I had a recent photo shoot with Rori. It made me realize how much I missed doing portraiture. So I'm going to try to get back into it. Wish me luck. :)

Work is crazy busy, which is probably a good thing.

My house is almost completely clean/organized and will probably be finished within the next week or so. Spring cleaning has grabbed a hold of me and I'm actually donating a bunch of my crap to Goodwill. I should probably go through my closet next...:bucktooth:

  • Listening to: Foo Fighters - Long Road to Ruin
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Drinking: Water

Come Round Soon

Journal Entry: Thu Apr 23, 2009, 2:10 PM
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So, I've sifted through my deviations and cleaned out my gallery. Now most things are out of storage and back where they should be.

I have a number of photo ideas I've written down on a list somewhere... I plan on finding it and playing around with them soon. So hopefully you will see some new stuff from me soon.

Oh yes, and Spring has finally come out to play. It is beautiful outside and smells like freshly cut grass and flowers. :)

  • Listening to: Sara Bareilles - Come Round Soon
  • Reading: Good Grief
  • Eating: BBQ
  • Drinking: Water

Gone for a bit

Journal Entry: Fri Apr 3, 2009, 9:31 AM
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So, I've stored my gallery... for a few reasons, none of which really have anything to do with deviantART. I think I am going to take this opportunity to thoroughly clean out my gallery and re-vamp my prints (something I had been meaning to do for a while anyway). I will bring back a good chunk of my deviations from storage, soon.

There are a lot of things going on in my personal life, but I don't think disappearing under a rock (like I feel I should sometimes) would be helpful. I am going to work on cleaning, organizing my art supplies (possibly getting my negatives scanned for once and all), and start focusing on myself, getting myself back, finding who I am again. These are good things. I'll be okay, it just sucks for now.

  • Listening to: Kathleen Edwards
  • Reading: Palace of Dreams
  • Drinking: Water