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To you. by breaking-reality To you. by breaking-reality
::shrugs::

Structure.

It started out as a letter to him.
Him...


Anyway. I don't know if I like it. Or if you will like it. The structure just came out. I didn't try. I didn't think ahead. I just wrote as I thought. I don't know if it's good. And I don't know if anyone has a right to tell me if it is or not. Art is left to interpretation. So do what you do best, assume, interpret, analyze. Like it, hate it. Do the same with me.

::shrugs and walk away::

Thanks for your time.
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:iconcrackingvoices:
crackingvoices Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2010
I like it :)
Reply
:iconourankeybladebearer:
ourankeybladebearer Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2008  Hobbyist
this poem sounds like it was written from the depths of my heart. :]

the structure is as great as the words within it! a 10/10 from me!

i`m in this exact story, except i never spoke to him about anything serious or important...

never was able to. but the he i`m refering to isn`t important in my world now.

since he also never had my love. anyways, thanks for creating such a lovely piece of work.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2008  Professional Photographer
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :)
Reply
:iconourankeybladebearer:
ourankeybladebearer Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2008  Hobbyist
your welcome! & i`m glad i liked it too! -^^-
Reply
:iconcyanidedrinker:
cyanidedrinker Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2008
this is wonderful
i love the whole idea of it
the story, the structure
"It never was you"
gahh it's so great.

i love it.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2008  Professional Photographer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconsayn:
Sayn Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2004
this is incredible... although im a guy, this is what its been like with my gf for ages now, but i love her and i dont want to end it.. I guess its pathetic, so i guess im pathetic ay :)
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2004  Professional Photographer
Not pathetic. It's hard to say goodbye to someone. Especially when they change, because you always expect them to change back, or hope that they will. :shrug: It's hard to move on sometimes. :nod:
Reply
:iconduranged:
Duranged Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2004   Writer
WOW
this is badass
great work
Reply
:iconfeed-me-tears:
feed-me-tears Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2004
wow thats amazing great work! FAV. FOR SURE
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2004  Professional Photographer
:blushes: Thank you.
Reply
:iconpopplequeen:
popplequeen Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2004
This was a great poem, and I wanted to say that I really enjoyed it. I guess the reason why I like it so much is because I relate so closely to it.. You have a wonderful way with words. I don't know if you were trying to, but you made me feel something, which is the sign of a great writer. Thank you; this was lovely. :love:
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2004  Professional Photographer
:blushes:

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)
Reply
:iconcar1ita:
car1ita Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, this piece is so amazing. I love the structure and the whole poem had me hooked.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2004  Professional Photographer
Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconjellyfishofgod:
jellyfishofgod Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004
this is awesome. damn i use that word to much but thats what it is. the stuctures so interesting and i like the way u've written it very casual nice n honest but still very thoughtful
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2004  Professional Photographer
:) Thank you.

:heart:
Reply
:iconunconsonant:
unconsonant Featured By Owner May 3, 2004
im so bad about reading other people's poetry... im always lazy and critical.. but i just loved your piece. Every line held my interest. And though everyone is different, i remember being there, thinking that, knowing him and never knowing him. And then, apathy. Good job. Very good job.
-Amiee
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 3, 2004  Professional Photographer
:blushes:

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. Though, after re-reading it myself recently, I found it was more prose than poetry. I rarely write prose, so I found that odd. :nod:
Reply
:iconunconsonant:
unconsonant Featured By Owner May 3, 2004
Ah... a kind of stream of consciousness, indeed. but i think spoken word is for the most part prose, when read aloud. Just more beautiful.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 3, 2004  Professional Photographer
:heart:

Yeah, I suppose so. My creative writing teacher doesn't seem to think that it's poetry if it's mostly sentences. :shrug:
Reply
:iconunconsonant:
unconsonant Featured By Owner May 3, 2004
lol... ah.. and he should be teaching diction instead of creative writing, if he can't think outside the proverbial box, now shouldn't he? Actually, he doesn't have to think too far, says Webster...
po·et·ry ( P ) Pronunciation Key (p-tr)
n.
The art or work of a poet.
Also:
Poems regarded as forming a division of literature.
The poetic works of a given author, group, nation, or kind.
A piece of literature written in meter; verse.
***Prose that resembles a poem in some respect, as in form or sound.
The essence or characteristic quality of a poem.
***A quality that suggests poetry, as in grace, beauty, or harmony: the poetry of the dancer's movements.
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:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 3, 2004  Professional Photographer
Yeah. Unfortunately he gave me a C on my poetry porfolio anyway. :shrug: I think I really took a blow to the ego. Not that I think I'm a great writer, I just love writing, and everyone in my writing group was trying to convince me I would get an A with ease. Then I got a C. I've had writers block for the past 3 months anyway, not that this matter. :shrug:
Reply
:iconunconsonant:
unconsonant Featured By Owner May 3, 2004
Great writers aren't appreciated until they've been dead a good long while anyways. i like your writing style. i'd give you an A, with ease. i got C's in photography, for always taking pictures of the ground, but it helped me remember to watch where i stepped... and who knew the cracks in the sidwalk opened to a new universe? This arguement did not win me a better grade, but i'll take my own art over someone else's idea of what my art should be. Any day, definately. And you should relish your writer's block; i do, because it means i have more time to sew and less time to lament. ~.o
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner May 3, 2004  Professional Photographer
:P Well, I usually get a writers block, and take lots of pictures, but it seems I have a photographers block too. :P

But finals week is coming up, so I'm trying to just put my creative life on hold, at least as far as new stuff.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconstarlitdancer:
starlitdancer Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2004
This poem gets to me every time I read it. It's powerful and meaningful, thanks to the words you chose and the meaning it (the poem) has. I also like the way you formatted it.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2004  Professional Photographer
:: smiles ::

Thank you.

:heart:
Reply
:iconlostbuthopefull:
lostbuthopefull Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2004
thank you for writing this
Reply
:iconshuggz4eva699:
shuggz4eva699 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2004
...I think just about everyone up above summed it up for me, so there's no point in re-iterating that spew of excellence. I WOULD like to say however, that girlonstage must have missed the deviant's comments on this piece, where you said that this started out as a letter to someone and just free-flowed from there. When it is genuine free-flow, you don't need "prose" throughout. And the screenshot is what led me to this piece. O_O I think this person, in trying to seek the deeper meaning, missed it entirely because it is so spelled out. =\
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2004  Professional Photographer
Well, it is poetry, not prose, because of the structure. Structure can add a lot to a piece.

And I think the screenshot kind of gave away the ending. but i'm glad it grabs peoples attention.

Thank you. :)

:heart:
Reply
:iconswitchbladeserenade:
switchbladeserenade Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
wow. so powerful!:clap:
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2004  Professional Photographer
:)

Thanks for the fav.

:heart:
Reply
:iconswitchbladeserenade:
switchbladeserenade Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
Ur very welcome! It's well deserved. :hug:
Reply
:icononeglassangel:
oneglassangel Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004
"Thinking my purpose in life is to stand in awe
of you.
and all the things you do
or was that, don't do?
Sometimes I can't remember.
Remember.
Oh god...
Do I remember.
You.
Me.
Us.
Well, I suppose it was never us.
Just always you
and me.
Sitting next to eachother."

I love how this is just the reflection on things, and it rings so true. The " never having been anything, really" ....so close and yet so distant...you've portrayed that so well. Fabulous writing!
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2004  Professional Photographer
::nods::

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it so much. I suppose it helps that I was in that situation for far too long. Gave me lots of time for reflection...

:heart:
Reply
:iconstimul4nt:
STIMUL4NT Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2004
this is so so sad...

sigh..

but i love it! :+fav:
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2004  Professional Photographer
::nods:: Life can be sad. As long as it makes you stronger, it's worth it...
Reply
:iconeviscares:
Eviscares Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004  Hobbyist General Artist
:shivers:
It is... simply great. I love the way how you did the structure.
Must have been a hard time.
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2004  Professional Photographer
::shrugs::

The experience only made me stronger. And more paranoid.

Oh well..

Thanks. :heart:
Reply
:iconsnuffy151:
snuffy151 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004
All I can say is WOW a fave, loved it, you could tell you spilled all the words out on paper, but thats the way this was meant to be, I've had feeling like these, but never really new how to write them down love it!
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2004  Professional Photographer
::nods::

Sometimes it's best if you leave something unedited.

Thanks. :)

:heart:
Reply
:iconturbopat:
turbopat Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004   Writer
"for ever thinking you could be the one
to see through me.
to see to me.
to reach into my mind and pull out what was always there
waiting
to be noticed.
Thoughts.
Waiting to be heard."

Wow i really like your work...that part got to me the most...i found it odd how you had the entire poem all over the place though...i think that was a little overdone and unneeded. nice job :D
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004  Professional Photographer
::shrugs:: I wasn't trying to over due it. I just wrote it as it came out. exactly as I thought it, I wrote, I didn't even think about what I was doing with the structure...

Thanks. :heart:
Reply
:iconstupidstan:
stupidstan Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004
if there was an award for introspection you would, without a doubt, win it hands down.

at least i think so, on the balance of things. hmmm.

:heart:
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004  Professional Photographer
heh...Thank you.

:heart:
Reply
:iconsoupson:
soupson Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2004   Writer
Beautiful structure. I love the separation of certain phrases and words from the rest of the poem. It really helps the reader understand that there never really was a "oneness" or "us" such that love implies. ^_^



:+fav:
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004  Professional Photographer
::nods:: I wasn't sure if a lot of people caught on to the fact that it was never an "us" thing.

Thank you. :heart:
Reply
:iconbeautifulblood622:
BeautifulBlood622 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2004
Nice structure, it gives the poem a smooth, emotional flow.



- live the life that you love.love the life that you live-
Reply
:iconbreaking-reality:
breaking-reality Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2004  Professional Photographer
Thanks.
Reply
:iconarkaizer:
Arkaizer Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2004   Writer
Seems you have a good amount of comments here and my word seems to have already been put out..

But I like how you structured this poem. I'm attempting such works myself. Well try at least. Good job. Flow and topic are good. Nothing seems wrong. So I won't be a critic anymore :) Nice poem.
Reply
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